So in most of my experiences on ChatRoulette, I have used a sock puppet. It gets peoples attention, it makes them laugh, and it makes everyone involved feel pretty good. Tonight however, I got a journal that I wanted to write in. And being the multitasker that I am, I wanted to do some other things as well. So I turned on some music, made the sign above, and set out to it.

See, I truly do believe that everything is ok. Why wouldn't it be? We all have a roof over our head, we all seem to be doing pretty well for ourselves, and there is someone out there who cares about you, no matter who you are, or else you wouldn't very well be here, would you?

It would seem that most people do not agree with me. Over the next hour, I was greeted with slurs like "fag" and "suicidal prick", and flipped off and laughed at various times. Sure, there were the few who just shook their head in agreement, and went on their merry way, but this was certainly far and few between.

After quite a while of this, I came across a man who was actually on his way into his room. He had his daughter with him, whom it appeared he had just bought some ice cream for. I thought "a man in such a good place that he can enjoy his time with his daughter surely would appreciate my thoughts". He then saw my sign, and proceeded to flip me off and call me a fucking idiot.

After dealing with this for quite a while, I decided to confront him about it.

You: Any reason why everything wouldn't be ok?
Stranger: go fuck your fat mother

He did not seem appreciative at all, and this was becoming fast apparent. Naturally, I replied:

You: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way
Stranger: loser
You: But hopefully one day you'll be a bit happier than you are now
Stranger: that's all you are
Stranger: im happy but i cant stand bitch like ya
Stranger: you are just a simple bored and frustrated bitch
You: Or, possibly, I just realize that sometimes people need a reminder
Stranger: who do you think you are
Stranger: a saint
Stranger: you re nothing
You: No no, not at all
Stranger: just borde
Stranger: borderline
You: Hmm
You: Well, I seem to be a bit happier than you are now, on my own ideas
Stranger: you are shit
Stranger: and your ideas you can stick em up your ass

It was at this point that my thoughts fell to the child. How could he be so angry? So vulgar in front of this kid? And why was he even on a site like chat roulette in front of her? She was much too young (2, at the oldest?) to even be in the same ROOM as the things that appear every 10 seconds on this site. And then I thought about how this was the man that was raising her. I replied:

You: I truly hope that she doesn't grow up to be so unhappy
Stranger: why would someone happy stick himself up a fuckin screen alone with his shitty paper
Stranger: you are lonely borderline suicidal
Stranger: who's looking for a reason to live

I choose not to show my face on this site, as I don't want to embarrass myself, frankly. I see no reason to put myself in that situation. Hence why I use the sock puppet, or the sign, in this situation. Just a little backstory for the following comment:

You: You seem to know a lot about me, stranger, for never having seen even my face
Stranger: you are not fhe kind who show it
Stranger: oyu keep people attention with writting because if you tried with your face nobody would care
Stranger: you are just average con who would be a lot better dead
You: I'm glad that it caught your attention, so I could have the opportunity to talk to you
Stranger: if you like to waste your time good for you
You: Just a bit of an eye opener
You: Especially since instead of hitting next, you've been sitting here insulting me
You: Kind of proves my point, don't you think?
Stranger: im afraid its too late for you
Stranger: whatever
Stranger: people like you think they are an exeption and that they're smart but trust me
Stranger: YOU DO NOT KNOW SHIT
You: Hmm
You: Well, what's your side?
You: Let's say that you're right
You: That I'm suicidal
You: Looking for a reason to live
You: Or that I'm a con, or ugly, or looking for attention
You: Why are you still talking to me, wasting your precious time?


At this point, Chat Roulette sort of crashed, in the way that we could still see each other, but the actual typing portion had failed. So he started talking to me directly, through his microphone. I decided it best if I talked to him as well, rather than ignoring him.

Every bone in my body was telling me to just the next button, and keep going, find someone else, that he was a lost cause. And in the end, he truly was. But I was determined to show him my side of the story.

This man was from a different country, and didn't seem to have the best grasp on the English language, but he was easy enough to understand, and got his points across. He went on to tell me that I was, again, suicidal, borderline, and a loser. Various times. Having been called names all my life, having someone insult me over the internet isn't a huge thing, so I took it in stride.

I asked him why he would think this, as I was being nothing but pleasant to him. He told me that he couldn't imagine why anyone would spend their free time on a website as disgusting as this, with so many perverts and judgemental people, and signs saying "show your tits", and frat boys, and teenage girls, and old men. I simply told him that I wanted to make a sign that said something that I truly believed in. He would have none of it.

In the end, he stopped calling me a loser, directly at least, and instead let me know that I was wasting my time trying to find anyone worthwhile on this site. I bid him goodnight, and he looked disappointed that he didn't get his point across. Disgusted that I, or people like me, existed. That someone could simply ignore all the bad going around me, and only focus on the good.

I hit next.

I had a lovely chat with a college kid who was trying to teach himself the guitar, and he played me a song.

He liked my sign.

Hey there guys!

First: Birthday came around. You're looking at (no you're not) a freshly 21 year old man! I can drink (which I don't), I can buy porn (which I won't), and I can be tried in a court of law (which I hope will never happen)!

Second: No love life. Hooray! Still dating around a bit, but for the most part, I've come to accept it. It'll happen when it happens. Nothing I do is going to change that.

Third: Tried to make a comic, but that didn't work out too well. Thinking of trying something different sometime soon, just not sure exactly when.

Fourth: Expect a video blog soon. I find it's easier to make a video instead of typing. I think of all these great things to talk about, and I never do. We'll see if a video is better.

Hey guys. I know it's been a while, like a couple months a while, and it's mostly my fault. So let's play a little catchup.

Christmas came and went. I got some awesome presents, mostly in the form of some fantastic shirts (THEY'RE BROWN), and a couple other things here and there. So that's December in a nutshell. Not very exciting, huh?

January rolls around, and I start to get a lot more hours, which is great. Though, I'm still looking for a new job, preferably office work, on a regular 9-5 schedule. Longer hours would be nice, maybe even an hour shorter, but I just want something that's giving me a steady income, for once. That way I wouldn't have to worry about surviving on my own.

Still living with my roomates. Drew and David are doing good, and Steve is getting married, so he'll be gone by April. Which means that we'll have an extra room available. So if you're interested in living out here with me everyday, then contact me, and I'll give you a few more details. :D

And speaking of people leaving, T.J., one of my work friends, has left on a 2 year mission, because of his religion, Mormonism. Since he'll be gone, I've been mulling around the idea of doing a semi daily comic for him. I've already started it, called "This Is For You", and only have a couple of pages up. If it's something that I think I'll continue (because honestly, we're talking about me here), then I'll link it. Otherwise, I'm almost positive one of you tech savvy people out there can find it on your own.

And all of this leads up to today, where once again, it's noon, and I'm sitting in my room, in my boxers, spending my free time on the computer. It's a trend I really need to get out of, though it feels like there isn't anything to do outside of the room. I mean, I'm not earning enough money to go out, I'm not seeing anyone, and the only eye candy I get is...well, Drew. And man, I don't wanna see that.

I'm in a drawing rut.

My mom has a 12x12 Wacom tablet that she purchased around a year ago. She has had this Wacom tablet for that long, and has barely used the thing. I used to have a 3x5 tablet myself, that worked wonders, but in the move the pen was destroyed, along with the mouse, and I haven't been able to use it since. It makes me sad.

I was told by Mom around a week and a half ago that she was considering just giving me the tablet, that way I would have something to draw with. I would be very, VERY grateful to receive such an item, as I know it would increase my picture production tenfold, and give me a chance to learn to use a tablet a bit better, and hopefully come up with something that I could eventually turn into something. But I wonder about something.

NICK FACT: My hands shake. A lot. I've had brain scans about this little problem, and have been told that it's just "growing pains", though I still have the problem. When I started experiencing this problem, I started drawing. It took practice, but I was eventually able to keep my hand steady enough to stroke my pencil across the paper in a straight line. From there, I was able to sketch and draw whatever I wanted. I've always, ALWAYS had a problem with inking. But as far as my cartoons with a pencil, I was just fine.

Recently, I've tried drawing another picture, and found that I have the same problem as all those years ago. I shake, I can't control my hands. But I have the will again, I want to draw. I wonder if I can do it again, if I have the eye for it. I suppose we'll see.

READER REQUEST: Request something. I'll try to draw it. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to ink it, or color it. But I'll draw it. And I'll make sure that it gets onto the computer, one way or another. As I go along, I'll add my own ideas and drawings to the mix, and we'll see where it goes.

Requests away!

Things I need to do today:

-Paint the floor molding
-Do Laundry
-Clean the house
-Go to work and clean the store for Black Friday
-Prepare for tommorow
-Profit

Things I've done today:

-Spent ridiculous amounts of time on the internet
-Did no painting whatsoever
-Dealt with an annoying dog some more
-Told myself that I'll do cleaning tonight when I get home from work. At 11. And wake up early tommorow and do painting all day.
-Prepared for work.
-Didn't prepare for tommorow.
-Found out that even though I don't like cars, I like the show on SPEED where you guess how long a car takes to race to the finish. Didn't catch the name though.
-Watched Spongebob Squarepants.

I feel pretty useless today.

Stay frosty. I sure didn't.

Hey everybody! I'm poor! Hooray!

Day 2 of watching the dogs, and already the puppy is annoying me. Her name is Pearl, and she's a Jack Russel Terrier. She was fine for day one, just fine. But when she does something wrong, like lose bowel control on the floor, I'm supposed to put her in her pen, and leave her there, not pay attention to her. But it's really hard to do that when she whines, and whimpers, and CRIES for someone to pay attention to her. My best friend, Stephen, watched her for a week and a half when we went to Hawaii, and he told me that he will never watch her ever again. I thought he was overreacting. I was so, so wrong. If you ever read this, I'm sorry man. The other dogs, they're doing just fine out in the garage. They come in for about half an hour, and then want to go right back outside. They're so well behaved, considering the puppy, that is. And cats, well, they're cats. What do you want?

I need to figure out a way to get out and about. So I'm going to try something. I'm going to try to figure it out, right here in front of you. So here it goes.

( This is not interesting at all. )

Alrighty, the dogs crying is really getting to me, so I'm going to go do something with her, I guess.

TIP FOR THE GUYS: Learn to play and sing the song Everlong by the Foo Fighters on acoustic guitar. You will thank me later.

So I didn't hit you rapid fire with updates. Sue me.

I'm here at mom's house, watching the dogs. They decided that since it was Thanksgiving, it was a good idea to go to Las Vegas for a week. That means I have to spend the night here every night to make sure the house is fine, the dogs are fed, and the puppy is ok. And the payment? A 40 dollar turkey dinner. Don't get me wrong, I'm appreciative. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little ripped off about the whole situation. I hear that the integrity of baked goods is like that sometimes, though. (Cookies crumbling? Anyone)

DATING UPDATE: I haven't been on any. The girl from Tracy didn't really work out, as it would seem she really doesn't want anything to do with me. I seem to be getting a lot of "I don't want to contact you anymore" from people. As for the other girl, Vonny, that situation is getting a bit out of hand. She's getting very, VERY attached to old Nick. She's pretty wonderful, in most respects. But she seems to have a bit of a temper. And I don't really see a future happening, as she seems to think that since she would never leave Texas to live elsewhere, I would move there. Here's a lesson about me: I hate the heat. I want nothing to do with it, and the Bay Area is bad enough in the summer time. So when an attractive woman who's interested in me, but within four days of knowing me through the internet lets me know that she's never moving from one of the hottest states in the country, and would expect me to move to her, I have to say NO. No no no. No. I'm a beach person, I love the cold, I like fog, and rain, and the sun is my mortal enemy, me being a nerd and all.

Of course, me being me, I haven't broken it off yet. I should, I really really should, before it gets even worse. But since it's as far as it is, I can't really just break it off like a stick. I have to ween her off of me. I need to stop answering calls, and have stuff to do, and not make phone conversations be as long as they are. This plan is fool proof.

Right now, I'm lying in bed, watching a concert DVD of the Foo Fighters, my favorite band. I will most likely fall asleep to this, and will wake up with a headache. I'm calling it.

So back to dating. I pose a question. How did you meet your significant other? Are you as unactive in the real world as I am? How are you supposed to meet people if you're poor, and can't do anything except go to work and play games and watch movies at home? And more importantly, is there anyone who would interested in doing this? :D

Stay frosty.

This....this is tragic.

So I meet this girl on Sweet on Geeks (a dating website for geeks). Her name is Vonny. We start talking getting to know each other. Last night, we end up talking for a long, LONG time, 4 hours, maybe more. And she just had to be perfect.

She has the perfect personality to compliment mine, she's funny, she laughs at my jokes, she's geeky, she's comfortable with her body (she has a GREAT body), and all of it together makes her sexy. AND SHE LIVES IN TEXAS. ARGH. The awfulness of it all it just....it's TRAGEDY.

I just met this girl. Hell, I just talked to her on the phone last night for the first time! And yet, she's amazing enough that she's been on my mind all day. I simply don't get it. How can you be so enthralled with a person when you first talk to them?

Maybe one day, we'll meet, face to face. And with my luck, it would be just as perfect in person as it is on the computer, or on the phone.

Just makes you want to scratch your hair off your head.

(/internet)

Stay frosty people, I'm gonna hit you rapid fire over the next couple of days.

This thing was on my wall. It was beyond quarter sized. It was like, half dollar sized. That's a pretty big spider, friends, I'll tell you what.

Conversations haven't really started with Nicole (that's her name). Every time I go to talk to her, it ends up being at like 11 at night, and she's dog tired. I'm just lucky like that. But now that I've gotten permission to text, and I've got the next couple of days off, I feel like I'll probably get the chance to talk to her in depth pretty soon. It's like a storm, I can feel it.

More painting to do today, and boy howdy am I excited. It's all almost as exciting as watching said paint dry. OH MAN, I am on my A GAME today!

Stay frosty.

A photo of the original Targ Arcade machine.

So, been about a week or two since I posted, figured I'd update the non existent masses.

The date I went on went well, I thought. We had a good time, plenty to talk about, laughs were had, stories were told. But as of now, there has been no call backs of any sort. Which leads me to believe that it was not meant to be. Which, honestly, is fine by me. I'm in no rush to get into a relationship. I figure what happens, happens, and if I'm going to be with somebody, it had better be someone I want to be with, and not someone I'm settling for. SO, there you go. I will say, though, that last night I was contacted by someone from one of the dating sites I signed up for. I was quite surprised about it, but was more than willing to chat with her. She's seems like a great person thus far, and someone I would really enjoy talking to. So we'll see how it goes. I'll update you on the situation as time goes on.

Work has been sparse. What with the economy being the way it is, not a lot of people are coming in to buy things. That means less revenue, and that means less hours. So, I'm currently in a transition period, trying to find a full time job, hopefully something to turn into a career. Of course, if you know of any in the bay area, be sure to let me know. Especially any extra money I could make outside of what I need to live would be good, as my parents are in a bit of a situation at the moment.

I need to draw more. I haven't drawn a single thing for at least a week, and I keep meaning to. It's not like I don't want to, I do. But I get caught up doing something else, or I have to be somewhere. Maybe I'll sit down later today, or tomorrow, and spend some time drawing, maybe drink some tea. Sounds lovely. :D

I'm drinking a Jarritos Mandarina soda right now, it is delicious. My room is a bit of a mess too, I should probably clean it. Thanks to the rain, though, I got a free carwash!

Well, I suppose that's all I have for now. Stay frosty.